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LYAO -
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"WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?"
ANSWERS:
- The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did not cross the road. - Richard M. Nixon
- The question is not, "Why did the chicken cross the road?" But is, rather, "Who was crossing the road at the same time, whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?" - Oliver Stone
- Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, "What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place anyway?" - Jerry Seinfeld
- That is only for God to know. - The Pope
- To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American. - Pat Buchanan
- The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and, therefore, synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being. - Carl Jung
- Because he was exercising his natural right to liberty. - John Locke
- It doesn't matter; the chicken's actions have no meaning except to him. - Albert Camus
- And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the Chicken crossed the road. And there was much rejoicing. - The Bible
- It was a government conspiracy. - Fox Mulder
- The fact that you thought that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity. - Freud
- Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically dispositioned to cross roads. - Darwin
- I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question. - Martin Luther King, Jr.
- The chicken, being an autonomous being, chose to cross the road of his own free will. - Immanuel Kant
- In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken had crossed the road, and that was good enough for us. - Grandpa
- I'm not exactly sure why, but right now I've got a horse in my bathroom. - Dirk Gently (Holistic Detective)
- I have just released the new Chicken 2000, which will both cross roads AND balance your checkbook, though when it divides 3 by 2 it gets 1.4999999999. - Bill Gates
- That depends on which plane of reality the chicken was on at the time. - M.C.Escher
- Because the government had fooled him into thinking that he was crossing the road of his own free will, when he was really only serving their interests. - George Orwell
- I missed one? - Colonel Sanders
- For the greater good. - Plato
- To actualize its potential. - Aristotle
- It was a historical inevitability. - Karl Marx
- Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you. - Nietzsche
- Because the external influences, which had pervaded its sensorium from birth, had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its own freewill. - B.F. Skinner
- In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road. - Jean-Paul Sartre
- Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference. - Albert Einstein
- What road? - Pyrrho the Skeptic
- You tell me. - The Sphinx
- If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken nature. - Buddha
- Because it could not stop for death. - Emily Dickenson
- It didn't cross the road; it transcended it. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
- To die. In the rain. - Ernest Hemingway
- This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it. - Saddam Hussein
- It is the Mother of all Chickens. - Saddam Hussein #2
- I don't care. Catch it. I need its eggs to make my omelette. - Joseph Stalin
- The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The ends of crossing the road justify whatever motive there was. - Machiavelli
- Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out. -Thomas de Torquemada
- Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take. -Timothy Leary
- Did the chicken cross the road?
- Did he cross it with a toad?
- Yes the chicken crossed the road,
- But why it crossed, I've not been told! - Dr. Seuss
- It didn't. I was playing golf with it at the time - O.J.
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Automobile Acronyms
AUDI
- Accelerates Under Demonic Influence
- Always Unsafe Designs Implemented
BMW
- Be My Wife
- Beautiful Mechanical Wonder
- Big Money Works
- Bought My Wife
- Break My Windows
- Brutal Money Waster
- Business, Money and Woman
BUICK
- Big Ugly Indestructible Car Killer
CHEVROLET
- Can Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips
- Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time
DODGE
- Damn Old Dirty Gas Eater
- Drips Oil, Drops Grease Everywhere
FIAT
- Failure in Italian Automotive Technology
- Fix It All the Time
- Fix It Again, Tony!
FORD
- (backwards) --Driver Returns On Foot
- Fault Of R & D
- Fast Only Rolling Downhill
- Features O.J. and Ron's DNA
- First On Recall Day
- First On Rust and Deterioration
- Fix Or Repair Daily
- Found On Road, Dead
- Found On Russian Dump
- F-cked On Race Day
GM
- General Maintenance
GMC
- Garage Man's Companion
- Got a Mechanic Coming?
HONDA
- Had One Never Did Again
- Happy Owners Never Drive Anything else.
HYUNDAI
- Hope You Understand Nothing's Drivable And Inexpensive
MAZDA
- Most Always Zipping Dangerously Along
OLDSMOBILE
- Old Ladies Driving Slowly Make Others Behind Infuriatingly Late Every day.
- Overpriced, Leisurely Driven Sedan Made Of Buick's Irregular Leftover Equipment
PROTON
- Possibly the Riskiest Option to Travel On-road Nowadays.
SAAB
- Send Another Automobile Back
- Swedish Automobiles Always Breakdown.
TOYOTA
- Too Often Yankees Overprice This Auto
VOLVO
- Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object
VW
- Virtually Worthless
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Actual Excerpts from Dear Abby (or so I'm told)
DEAR ABBY: A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid-twenties. These two women go everywhere together and I've never seen a man go into their apartment or come out. Do you think they could be Lebanese?
DEAR ABBY: I've been married for six years and have five kids. No twins. My husband still wants to have sex every night and sometimes in the morning too. I told him he should get himself a hobby, and he says that is his hobby.
DEAR ABBY: I have a man I never could trust. Why, he cheats so much I'm not even sure this baby I'm carrying is his.
DEAR ABBY: I am a twenty-three-year-old liberated woman who has been on the pill for two years. It's getting expensive and I think my boyfriend should share half the cost, but I don't know him well enough to discuss money with him.
DEAR ABBY: I suspected that my husband had been fooling around, and when I confronted him with the evidence he denied everything and said it would never happen again.
DEAR ABBY: Will you please rush me the name of a reliable illegitimate doctor?
DEAR ABBY: Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was raised in a good Christian home turn against his own?
DEAR ABBY: I joined the Navy to see the world. I've seen it. Now how do I get out?
DEAR ABBY: My forty-year-old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50 an hour every week for two-and-a-half years. He must be crazy.
DEAR ABBY: I was married to Bill for three months and I didn't know he drank until one night he came home sober.
DEAR ABBY: Do you think it would be all right if I gave my doctor a little gift? I tried for years to get pregnant and couldn't and he finally did it.
DEAR ABBY: My mother is mean and short-tempered. I think she is going through her mental pause.
DEAR ABBY: I met this nice guy who was in the service. He's the chief petting officer.
***
DEAR ABBY: I've been going steady with this man for six years. We see each other every night. He says he loves me, and I know I love him, but he never mentions marriage. Do you think he's going out with me just for what he can get? --GERTIE
DEAR GERTIE: I don't know. What's he getting?
DEAR ABBY: My husband hates to spend money! I cut my own hair and make my own clothes, and I have to account for every nickel I spend. Meanwhile he has a stock of savings bonds put away that would choke a cow. How do I get some money out of him before we are both called to our final judgment? He says he's saving for a rainy day.--FORTY YEARS HITCHED-
DEAR HITCHED: Tell him it's raining!
DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend is going to be twenty years old next month. I'd like to give him something nice for his birthday. What do you think he'd like? --CAROL-
DEAR CAROL: Never mind what he'd like. Give him a tie.
DEAR ABBY: Are birth control pills deductible? --KAY
DEAR KAY: Only if they don't work.
DEAR ABBY: Our son was married in January. Five months later his wife had a ten-pound baby girl. They said the baby was premature. Tell me, can a baby this big be that early? --WONDERING-
DEAR WONDERING: The baby was on time, the wedding was late. Forget it.
DEAR ABBY: Do you think about dying much? --CURIOUS-
DEAR CURIOUS: No, it's the last thing I want to do.
DEAR ABBY: Is it possible for a man to be in love with two women at the same time? --JAKE-
DEAR JAKE: Yes, and also hazardous.
DEAR ABBY: I know boys will be boys, but my 'boy' is seventy-three and he's still chasing women. Any suggestions? --ANNIE-
DEAR ANNIE: Don't worry. My dog has been chasing cars for years, but if he ever caught one, he wouldn't know what to do with it.
DEAR ABBY: I have always wanted to have my family history traced, but I can't afford to spend a lot of money to do it. Any suggestions? --SAM IN CAL.-
DEAR SAM: Yes. Run for public office.
DEAR ABBY: What inspires you most to write? --TED-
DEAR TED: The Internal Revenue Service.
DEAR ABBY: When you are being introduced, is it all right to say, "I've heard a lot about you"? --RITA-
DEAR RITA: It depends on what you've heard.
DEAR ABBY: I am forty-four years old and I would like to meet a man my age with no bad habits. --ROSE-
DEAR ROSE: So would I.
DEAR ABBY: What's the difference between a wife and a mistress? --BESS-
DEAR BESS: Night and Day.
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The Breakup
Dear Amanda,
I think we have made the right decision. Thank you for your love these past five months. I want you to know that our time together will live inside me in a special place in my heart. It is best if we do not phone or write.
Love always,
Joey***
Dear Amanda,
I dialed you last night because the Lucy "pie" episode was on and I knew you'd want to see it. Anyway, while I was leaving a message I accidentally punched in your message-retrieval code. Sorry about that.
Who's Francisco? Just curious.
Joey
***
Dear Amanda,
I realized that I still have your set of six Japanese sake cups that I bought for you on our trip downtown and was wondering when might be a good time to drop them by. You can give me a call at the usual number, or maybe at the office before seven, but then try the car, or I'm usually home now by seven-forty-five. I would like to get these back to you, as I know you must be thinking about them. This will be my last letter.
Regards,
Joey***
Dear Amanda,
It was a lucky coincidence that my cat leaped on your speed-dial button last night, as it gave us a chance to talk again. Afterward, I was wondering what you meant when you said, "It's over, Joey. Get it into your head." So many interpretations. Oh, I found myself on your street last night and noticed a yellow Mustang that I don't remember ever seeing at your apartment complex. Does this belong to the mysterious Francisco I've heard rumors about? I left one of the sake cups at your front door; it happened to be in my car.
With respect,
Joey***
Dear Amanda,
This will be the last letter I write you. I hate to hurt you like this, but I'm seeing someone new. You'd like her. But please do not call Marisa at the Kings Kafe where she waitresses from noon to eight. Incidentally, I heard that Francisco had or is having a tax problem Should I meet with him? I'm over it all now and would be glad to help.
Also, a word of warning: Latins. One woman is never enough.
Joey
P.S. Do you have my red Pental pen? I really need it. Page me when you get this.
***
Dear Amanda,
Guess what. I got a weekend job washing windows at your apartment building? The guys in legal think I'm nuts, but it's something I've always enjoyed doing. Remember how I used to love to do the windshield even at the full-service pump? Just wanted to warn you, as I will probably be wearing your favorite outfit of mine: the tan pants, my blue Gap shirt, and my foam "Go Gators" hat. It's so easy to start things up again, and I wouldn't want to think it was because of my newly acquired stomach ripples.
By the way, there's someone named Francisco trying to pick up girls on the Internet. Hmm. I wonder.
***
Dear Amanda,
This will be the last letter I write to you. I'm quite upset that you changed your phone without a forwarding number. There could be an emergency, and I'm still in possession of those fancy upholstered hangers of yours. Marisa questioned them the other day and it wasn't fun. They're probably too dear to you for me to throw them out, as we bought them together at the swap meet the day your mother raved about me, telling you I was "pleasant." Please come by and pick them up; they're seriously damaging my relationship. A good time would be any Wednesday after five but not after seven, Fridays all day except lunch, Monday is good, and the weekend, anytime. Also Tuesday.
Joey
***
Dear Amanda,
Valentine's Day is tomorrow and I hope you don't mind my throwing this note through your window, as the post would be too slow. The rock it's tied to came from our desert trip! I'm wondering if you'd like to get together for a quick lunch on the fourteenth? I need to get my letters back from you, and could you bring this one, too? I'll meet you at Wavy Dave's at our old table. I'll bring the hangers, and I also want you to have the small photo of me nude skydiving. I don't think I can handle all the sake cups but I could certainly bring a few. You can even bring Francisco if you want; maybe I could help him sort out his heavy urology bills. Can you let me know soon? I'm waiting outside on the lawn.
This will be the last letter I write to you.
Love you always,
Joey
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Cynics? Guide to Life
The journey of a thousand miles begins
with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
I believe for every drop of rain that falls, a flower grows.
And a foundation leaks and a ball game gets rained out and a car rusts and …
Follow your dream!
Unless it's the one where you're at work in your underwear during a fire drill.
Always take time to stop and smell the roses ...
and sooner or later, you'll inhale a bee.
Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead.
Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow.
Do not walk beside me, either.
Just leave me alone.
If you don't like my driving, don't call anyone.
Just take another road. That's why the highway department made so many of them.
If a motorist cuts you off, just turn the other cheek.
Nothing gets the message across like a good mooning.
When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle.
It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.
It's always darkest before dawn.
So if you're going to steal the neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
A handy telephone tip: Keep a small chalkboard near the phone.
That way, when a salesman calls, you can hold the receiver up to it and run your fingernails across it until he hangs up.
Each day I try to enjoy something from each of the four food groups:
The bonbon group, the salty-snack group, the caffeine group, and the "whatever-the-thing-in-the-tinfoil-in-the-back-of-the-fridge-is" group.
Into every life some rain must fall.
Usually when your car windows are down.
Just remember ... You gotta break some eggs
to make a real mess on the neighbor's car!
When you find yourself getting irritated with someone, try to remember that all men are brothers ...
and just give them a noogie or an Indian burn.
This morning I woke up to the unmistakable scent of pigs in a blanket.
That's the price you pay for letting the relatives stay over.
It's a small world.
So you gotta use your elbows a lot.
Keep your nose to the grindstone and your shoulder to the wheel ...
It's cheaper than plastic surgery.
This land is your land. This land is my land.
So stay on your land.
Love is like a roller coaster: when it's good … you don't want to get off;
and when it isn't ... you can't wait to throw up.
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Wrong Number
In this particular branch of the Army's officer training school, the instructor was returning a test. The students identified their work by the last four digits of their Social Security number. In the early hours of a morning, the instructor was calling the numbers.
"Four-seven-seven-zero?" he asked.
"Here," replied one half-awake lieutenant-to-be. Taking the paper, though, he realized he had mistakenly asked for the wrong paper.
"Seven-zero-seven-five?" asked the instructor.
"Here," repeated the student, gearing for trouble.
"I thought you were four-seven-seven-zero, soldier," spoke the teacher.
"That's right, sir," answered our hero. "I have a nick-number."
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The Tired Tourist
The tourist had lost his way on a back road and stopped at the farmhouse to ask if he could be put up for the night.
"Well, we're a mite crowded, since there's already someone in the spare room," replied the farmer. "But I guess you can stay if you don't mind sharing the bed with a red-haired schoolteacher."
"Look," said the tourist, "I want you to know I'm a gentleman."
"Well," mused the farmer, "as far as I can tell, so is the red-haired schoolteacher."
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Chess
During a break in the action at last years international chess match, a group of players gathered in the hotel lobby to trade stories. As this went on with tales of "How I remember this one match ... " and "The toughest game I ever played was ... ", they became louder and louder. Finally the manager of the hotel came over to the group and told them that they would have to go somewhere else to talk.
When the group asked why, the manager responded, "Because no one wants to hear chess nuts boasting by an open foyer."
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Haberdashery
Joe was moderately successful in the career, but as he got older he was increasingly hampered by incredible headaches. When his personal hygiene and love life started to suffer, he sought medical help. After being referred from one specialist to another, he finally came across a doctor who solved the problem.
"The good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition which causes your testicles to press up against the base of your spine. The pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles."
Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he has anything to live for. He couldn't concentrate long enough to answer, but decided he had no choice but to go under the knife.
When he left the hospital, his mind was clear, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself.
As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life.
He walked past a men's clothing store and thought, "That's what I need; a new suit." He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit."
The salesman eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see ... size 44 long."
Joe laughed, "That's right, how did you know?"
"It's my job." Joe tried on the suit. It fit perfectly.
As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?"
Joe thought for a moment and then said, "Sure."
The salesman eyed Joe and said, "Let's see ... 34 sleeve and ... 16 and a half neck"
Joe was surprised, "That's right, how did you know?"
"It's my job." Joe tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly.
As Joe adjusted the collar in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about new shoes?"
Joe was on a roll and said, "Sure ... "
The salesman eyed Joe's feet and said, "Let's see ... 9 and a half ... wide."
Joe was astonished, "That's right, how did you know?"
"It's my job." Joe tried on the shoes and they fit perfectly.
Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, "How about a new hat?"
Without hesitating, Joe said, "Sure ... "
The salesman eyed Joe's head and said, "Let's see ... 7 5/8."
Joe was incredulous, "That's right, how did you know?"
"It's my job." The hat fit perfectly. Joe was feeling great, when the salesman asked, "How about some new underwear?"
Joe thought for a second and said, "Sure ... "
The salesman stepped back, eyed Joe's waist and said, "Let's see ... size 36."
Joe laughed, "No, I've worn size 34 since I was 18 years old."
The salesman shook his head, "You can't wear a size 34. It would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache."
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Dinner with the Parents
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and have sex for the first time.
Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy; a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack saying he thinks he will be rather busy, this being his first time.
That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents' house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents. Come on in!" The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated.
The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer with his head down. 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend finally leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."
The boy turns and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist ... "
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The Way it is ...
A Young couple, just married, were in their honeymoon suite on their wedding night.
As they undressed for bed, the husband, who was a big burly man, tossed his pants to his bride and said, "Here put these on."
She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body. "I can't wear your pants," she said.
"That's Right!!" , said the husband, "and don't you forget it. I'm the man who wears the pants in this family!"
With that she flipped him her panties and said, "try these on." He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecaps. He said, "Are you crazy, I can't get into your panties!"
She said, "That's right, and that's the way it's going to be until your attitude changes!"
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Bill Gates, Heaven and Hell
Bill Gates dies and finds himself being sized up by God ...
"Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call. I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in America, yet you also created that ghastly Windows '95. I'm going to do something I've never done before. I'm going to let you decide where you want to go. I'm willing to let you visit both places briefly, and then decide to see if it will help your decision."
"Fine, but where should I go first?" Bill asked.
"I'll leave that up to you," God replied.
"Okay then," said Bill, "let's try Hell first."
So Bill went to Hell. It was a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters and lots of beautiful women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining; the temperature perfect. He was very pleased.
"This is great," he told God. "If this is hell, I really want to see heaven."
"Fine," said God, and off they went. Heaven was a place high in the clouds, with angels drifting about, playing harps and singing. It was nice, but not as enticing as Hell.
Bill thought for a quick minute, and rendered his decision. "Hmmm. I think I'd prefer Hell," he told God.
"Fine," replied God, "as you desire." So Bill Gates went to Hell.
Two weeks later, God decided to check on the late billionaire to see how he was doing in Hell. When he got there, he found Bill, shackled to a wall screaming amongst hot flames in dark caves, being burned and tortured by demons, with no one to help him out of his dilemma no matter how loud he screamed.
"How's everything going?" He asked Bill.
Bill responded with his voice filled with anguish and tormented disappointment. "This is awful. This is nothing like the Hell I visited two weeks ago. I can't believe this is happening. What happened to that other place, with the beaches and the beautiful women playing in the water???"
"Oh," God said, "that was Hell 3.1. This is Hell 95."
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Rare Birds
A tourist walks into a pet shop in Silicon Valley, and is browsing round the cages on display. While he's there, another customer walks in and says to the shopkeeper, "I'll have a C monkey, please."
The shopkeeper nods, goes over to a cage at the side of the shop and takes out a monkey. He fits a collar and leash and hands it to the customer, saying, "That'll be $5000." The customer pays and walks out with his monkey.
Startled, the tourist goes over to the shopkeeper. "That was a very expensive monkey. Most of them are only a few hundred dollars. Why did it cost so much?"
"Ah, that monkey can program in C -- very fast, tight code, no bugs, well worth the money."
The tourist looks at the monkeys in that cage. "That one's even more expensive -- $10,000 dollars! What does it do?"
"Oh, that one's a C++ monkey; it can manage object oriented programming, Visual C++, even some Java, all the really useful stuff."
The tourist looks round for a little longer and sees a third monkey in a cage on its own. The price tag round its neck says $50,000. He gasps to the shopkeeper, "That one costs more than all the others put together! What on earth does it do?"
"Well, I don't know if it does anything, but it says it's a consultant."
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Microsoft Buys Winter Olympics!
NAGANO, JAPAN (DPI) -- In some rather disturbing news, software behemoth Microsoft purchased the 1998 Winter Olympics last Friday for an undisclosed sum. Even the athletes did not know until CEO Bill Gates stepped up to the microphone to deliver the opening address, which was composed entirely of ones and zeros. Lawyers for the MS Winter Olympics said this was the right move to ensure their world dominance in the winter sports. There is no truth to the rumor that Mr. Gates had to dodge snowballs at the end of his speech. CBS was paid off and told to pack up their equipment as MSNBC took over broadcasting the events. Only MSN on-line subscribers will get to see the finals in each sport.
Several countries were upset to find out that the luge course had been replaced by a new standard and would require them to purchase the MSLuge 4.0 sled in order to compete. Bobsledders faired much better by only having to buy the MSBobsled upgrade. Owners of previous versions on Microsoft Bob were given a discount. Speed and figure skating venues as well as hockey games were postponed until next week while engineers work out the design enhancements in the new MSSkate suite of products.
In true fairness and spirit of the games, Microsoft has let a competing company operate the MacSki Jump. It will be 40% narrower and 60% faster than other ski jumps. All athletes competing on snow will be required to wear the new MS Ski 98 Build 1650. The company maintains that it is not responsible for falls, slips, slides, tumbles or crashes.
Finally, the traditional starter's pistol has been replaced by a little white arrow clicking on a Start button that pops up a menu, that pops up a menu, that pops up a menu ...
Reported by Dave Henry
(Microsoft, MS Winter Olympics, CBS, MSNBC, MSN, MSLuge, MSBobsled, Microsoft Bob, MSSkate, MSBiathlon, MSWrasslin' and MacSki Jump and MS Ski 98, are Trademarks of their respective corporations.)
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Phone Call:
Phil: By the way, man, I heard a new joke! What has a small dick and hangs down?
Bob: Uh, I dunno ... a bat?
Phil: Good! Ok, now what has a big dick and hangs up?
Bob: Uhm, I don't know, I give up.
*CLICK* ? bzzzzzzzzzzzz ...
LYAO Format, Background & Banner Graphics © 2006 by Bill Sanders -
All rights reserved
CMA Stuff: LYAO is comprised of jokes, stories, urban legends and other things received by me via email.
I clean them up, removing forwarding headers and footers,
fixing most grammar and punctuation, and re-formatting them.
PLEASE NOTE: Copyrights remain with the owners/original writers.
If any copyrights have been violated, please let me know and I will attribute or remove the offending item.
-----
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