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LYAO -

[Short one!]

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The Best

Sleeping Beauty, Tom Thumb and Don Juan were having a terrible fight.

"I am the most beautiful person in the world," proclaimed Sleeping Beauty.

"No, you're not," answered Don Juan and Tom Thumb.

"I am the smallest person in the world," shouted Tom Thumb.

"No, you're not," said Sleeping Beauty and Don Juan.

"I've had more lovers than any person in the world," announced Don Juan.

"No, you haven't" replied Tom Thumb and Sleeping Beauty.

Well, they decided that if the three were to get along, they needed a mediator, and decided that Merlin, clearly the smartest person in the world, would be ideal. Merlin agreed and summoned them all to his palace, where he announced he would meet with them one at a time.

Sleeping Beauty went in first and not a minute later came out beaming. "I am the most beautiful person in the world, Merlin said so."

In went Tom Thumb and out he came as quickly as had Sleeping Beauty. "I am the smallest person in the world. Merlin agrees."

In goes Don Juan and in he stays ... a half hour ... an hour ... an hour and a half ... Finally, he emerges distraught and muttering, "Who the hell is Bill Clinton?"

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For Sale by Owner:

Complete Set of Encyclopedia Brittanica.

Excellent condition, but no longer needed;

Damn wife knows everything.

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[CMA STATEMENT:

WARNING: THE JOKE(S) THAT FOLLOW(S) CONTAIN(S) MORE ADULT CONTENT THAN THE PREVIOUS, AND MAY BE INAPPROPRIATE FOR YOUNGER OR MORE SENSITIVE READERS.

THEREFORE, THE FOLLOWING IS RATED PG-14: NO ONE 14 OR UNDER SHOULD READ THE FOLLOWING WITHOUT PARENTAL GUIDANCE. IF YOU ARE UNDER THE AGE OF 15, LET YOUR PARENTS READ WHAT FOLLOWS FIRST, AND LET THEM DECIDE IF YOU SHOULD.

IF YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF ONE OF THE "MORE SENSITIVE" READERS -- IN OTHER WORDS, YOU ARE OFFENDED OR UPSET BY STRONGER SEXUAL INNUENDO THAN ABOVE, AND "SOMEWHAT EXPLICIT" THROUGH "EXPLICIT" JOKES -- DO NOT CONTINUE READING.

IF WE DO IT THIS WAY, I WON'T GET IN TROUBLE FOR SENDING THIS TYPE OF "ENTERTAINMENT" THROUGH *LYAO* TO KIDS OR SENSITIVE READERS, AND YOU WON'T GET IN TROUBLE FOR OR UPSET BY READING THINGS YOU SHOULDN'T OR DON'T WISH TO.

AND REMEMBER, THESE ARE JOKES.

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

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Research
[Adults Only & Stereotype Alert]

After many years of collecting data, Cambridge sex researchers have determined that the human penis may be classified according to one of five basic size groups: small, medium, large, "Oh my God!", and "Does that come in white?"

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The Parrot

A farmer and his wife are given the gift of a parrot from a relative.

The parrot, being a male, sneaks out and screws the next door neighbors turkeys and rushes back home, but not before being caught in the act. The next door neighbors knock on the door and explain what the Parrot has been doing.

The owners of the parrot reprimand him and tell him if he doesn't stop it, he's going to shave the parrots head. That night the Parrot, overcome with desire, sneaks out and screws his neighbor's turkeys again. The next morning the owner ties the bird down and proceeds to shave his head.

The following morning is the farmer's daughters wedding, and in order to please the relative that gave them the parrot, they sit the parrot on a piano and tell him for his punishment he has to greet all the guests and tell them where to sit in the church. The parrot is doing fine. "Grooms side to the left and Brides side to the right".

Until two bald guys walk in and he says, "And you two Turkey f-ckers up on the piano with me!!!"

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LYAO Format, Background & Banner Graphics © 2006 by Bill Sanders - All rights reserved
CMA Stuff: LYAO is comprised of jokes, stories, urban legends and other things received by me via email.
I clean them up, removing forwarding headers and footers, fixing most grammar and punctuation, and re-formatting them.
PLEASE NOTE: Copyrights remain with the owners/original writers.
If any copyrights have been violated, please let me know and I will attribute or remove the offending item.
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