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LYAO -

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Men Just Don't Have A Chance

A new two year degree is being offered at LIFE UNIVERSITY that many of you should be interested in: BECOMING A REAL MAN. That's right, in just six quarters you, too, can be a real man, as well as earn an AA degree (AA Real Men). Please take a moment to look over the program outline.

FIRST YEAR

Autumn Schedule

MEN 101 Combating Stupidity

MEN 102 You Too Can Do Housework

MEN 103 PMS - Learn When To Keep Your Mouth Shut

MEN 104 We Do Not Want Sleazy Underthings For Christmas

Winter Schedule

MEN 110 Wonderful Laundry Techniques

MEN 111 Understanding The Female Response to Getting In At 4AM

MEN 112 Parenting: It Doesn't End With Conception

EAT 100 Get A Life, Learn To Cook

ECON 001A What's Hers Is Hers

Spring Schedule

MEN 120 How NOT To Act Like An Asshole When You're Wrong

MEN 121 Understanding Your Incompetence

MEN 122 YOU, The Weaker Sex

MEN 123 Reasons To Give Flowers

ECON 001B What's Yours Is Half Hers (Must Pass ECON 001A)

SECOND YEAR

Autumn Schedule

SEX 101 You CAN Fall Asleep Without It

SEX 102 Morning Dilemma: If It's Awake, Take a Shower

MEN 201 How To Stay Awake After Sex

MEN 202 How To Put The Toilet Seat Down

ELECTIVE (See Electives Below)

Winter Schedule

MEN 210 The Remote Control: Overcoming Your Dependency

MEN 211 How Not To Act Younger Than Your Children

MEN 212 You, Too, Can Be A Designated Driver

MEN 213 Honest - You Don't Look Like Tom Cruise - Especially Naked

MEN 230A Her Birthdays and Anniversaries Are Important 1

Spring Schedule

MEN 220 Omitting @&*%$#* From Your Vocabulary (Pass/Fail Only)

MEN 221 Fluffing The Blanket After Farting Is Not Necessary

MEN 222 Real Men Ask For Directions

MEN 223 Thirty Minutes of Begging Is NOT Considered Foreplay

MEN 230B Her Birthdays And Anniversaries Are Important 2

Course Electives

EAT 101 Cooking With Quiche

EAT 102 Utilization of Eating Utensils

EAT 103 Burping And Belching Discreetly

MEN 231 Mother-in-Law

MEN 232 Appear To Be Listening

MEN 233 Just Say, Yes Dear

ECON 001C Cheaper To Keep Her (Must Pass ECON 001B)

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Remember When ...

A COMPUTER was something on TV

From a science fiction show

A WINDOW was something you hated to clean

And RAM was the cousin of a goat

 

MEG was the name of my girlfriend

And GIG was your middle finger upright

Now they all mean different things

And that really MEGA BYTES

 

An APPLICATION was for employment

A PROGRAM was a TV show

A CURSOR used profanity

A KEYBOARD was a piano

 

MEMORY was something that you lost with age

A CD was a bank account

And if you had a 3-1/2" FLOPPY

You hoped nobody found out

 

COMPRESS was something you did to the garbage

Not something you did to a FILE

And if you UNZIPPED anything in public

You'd be in jail for a while

 

LOG ON was adding wood to the file

HARD DRIVE was a long trip on the road

A MOUSE PAD was where a mouse lived

And a BACKUP happened to your commode

 

CUT you did with a pocket-knife

PASTE you did with glue

A WEB was a spider's home

And a VIRUS was the flu

 

I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper

And the MEMORY in my head

I hear nobody's been killed in a computer CRASH

But when it happens they wish they were dead

-- Author Unknown

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One Liners

• Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
• Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
• There are 3 kinds of people: Those who can count and those who
• Sign on baby's bib: SPIT HAPPENS.
• Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?
• DA-N ... Every morning is the dawn of a new error.
• A flying saucer results when a nudist spills his coffee.
• For people who like peace and quiet: A phoneless cord.
• I can see clearly now, the brain is gone.
• The beatings will continue until morale improves.
• I used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.
• Mental Floss prevents Moral Decay.
• Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
• Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
• I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.
• Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
• A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.
• I don't have a solution ... but I admire the problem.
• Don't be so open-minded. Your brains fall out.
• If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!
• Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!' ... till you can find a rock.
• Diplomacy: The art of letting someone have your way.
• If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
• If things get any worse, I'll have to ask you to stop helping me.
• If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms.
• Don't look back! They might be gaining on you.
• It's not hard to meet expenses. They're everywhere.
• Help Wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply.
• Look out for #1. Don't step in #2 either.
• Budget: A method for going broke methodically.
• Car service: If it ain't broke, we'll break it.
• Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.
• Do witches run spell checkers?
• Copywight 1994 Elmer Fudd. All wights wesewved.
• Dain bramaged.
• Department of Redundancy Department.
• What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull.
• Buy a Pentium 586/90 so you can reboot faster.
• 1 + 1 = 3 for sufficient quantities of 1.
• Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
• Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.
• My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.
• Access denied--nah nah na nah nah!
• Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (Yep/Nope)
• Backups? We don' *NEED* no steenking backups.
• ... File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
• Ethernet (n): something used to catch the etherbunny
• A mainframe: The biggest PC peripheral available.
• An error? Impossible! My modem is error correcting.
• Does fuzzy logic tickle?
• 24 hours in a day ... 24 beers in a case ... coincidence?
• Disinformation is not as good as datinformation.
• All computers wait at the same speed.
• Computer: A device designed to speed and automate errors.
• Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.
• Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.
• ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!
• Hit any user to continue.5
• Will the information superhighway have any rest stops?
• Beware of programmers who carry screwdrivers.
• Relax, its only ONES and ZEROS!

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Helicopters and Microsoft

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment. Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position and course to steer to the airport. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew a handwritten sign, and held it in the helicopter's window. The pilot's sign said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters.

People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."

The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how the "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER" sign helped determine their position.

The pilot responded, "I knew that had to be the MICROSOFT building because they gave me a technically correct, but completely useless answer."

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Aw, Chute!

There was a symposium on people with disabilities and learning how to overcome them. During the course of the day, there were many speakers telling their own personal stories of how they became successful in conquering fears and overcoming obstacles life had presented them. A blind man was helped to the podium and he began describing his favorite sport, parachuting.

When asked how this was accomplished, he said that some things were done for him by the flight crew: "I am placed in the door and told when to jump. My hand is placed on my release ring for me, and out I go."

"But how do you know when you are going to land?" he was asked.

"I have a very keen sense of smell and I can smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from the ground," he answered.

"But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground?" he was again asked.

He quickly answered, "Oh, the dog's leash goes slack."

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The Knock-Knock Joke

To kick off this new, recurring series, we''ll start off with a couple.

Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Kent.

Kent who?

Kent have your cake and eat it, too.

 

Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Thames.

Thames who?

Thames da breaks.

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Quotes of the Day:

These are the good old days you're going to miss in the years ahead.

Happiness comes in packages marked, "Batteries not included."

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Top 15 best things to say if you get caught sleeping at your desk:

15. "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."

14. "This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in the last time management course you sent me to."

13. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the liquid paper."

12. "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!"

11. "This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!"

10. "I was testing the keyboard for drool resistance."

9. "Actually doing a "Stress Level Elimination Exercise Plan" (SLEEP) you learned at the last mandatory seminar you made me attend.

8. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress. Are you discriminatory towards people who practice Yoga?"

7. "Darn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem."

6. "The coffee machine is broken ... "

5. "Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot."

4. "Boy, that cold medicine I took last night just won't wear off!"

3. "Ah, the unique and unpredictable circadian rhythms of the workaholic!"

2. "Wasn't sleeping. Was trying to pick up contact lens without using my hands."

And the #1 best thing to say if you get caught sleeping at your desk:

1. "Amen"

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You Know You Are Over The Hill When ...

[Ran across and edited this LYAO for LYAO-Online on 03/24/2006, just three days after I turned 51. In the LYAO I sent out on the 24th, I SAID that I was "officially over the hill". So, I commented on all the accusations made about being such. -LYAO Editor]

• You find yourself beginning to like accordion music.
  [Nope, unless you count John Mellenkamp music]
• You're sitting on a park bench and a Boy Scout comes up and helps you cross your legs.
  [Uh, oh... Can't bend my left knee far enough... and right-leg crossings uncomfortable...]
• Lawn care has become a big highlight of your life.
  [Nope... ]
• You're asleep, but others worry that you're dead.
  [Snore too loud for that!]
• You tune into the easy listening station ... on purpose.
  [And what's wrong with that? Actually, prefer Classic/Alternative Rock]
• You discover that your measurements are now small, medium and large ... in that order.
  [Nope... Large...Large... and Large... HAVE been for some time]
• You light the candles on your birthday cake and a group of campers form a circle and start singing Kumbaya.
  [Nope... Not happened... Yet... You never know since family get LYAO... ]
• Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.
  [Nope... Trifocals are wonderful for that! LOL]
• You start video taping daytime game shows.
  [Might have when I was working, but most of the good ones aren't on any more]
• At the airport, they ask to check your bags ... and you're not carrying any luggage.
  [Don't go to the airport that much]
• You wonder why you waited so long to take up macramé.
  [Yuck... Jewelry-making, maybe, but Macramé? Not me!]
• Your Insurance Company has started sending you their free calendar ... a month at a time.
  [Nope]
• At cafeterias, you complain that the gelatin is too tough.
  [3-day Jell-O old usually is]
• Your new easy chair has more options than your car.
  [Reclines... That's it]
• When you do the "Hokey Pokey" you put your left hip out ... and it stays out.
  [Left KNEE went out... That count?]
• One of the throw pillows on your bed is a hot water bottle.
  [Not me... Too warm-blooded!]
• Conversations with people your own age often turn into "dueling ailments."
  [Had that conversation before... Even when I was a "whipper-snapper"]
• It takes a couple of tries to get over a speed bump.
  [Depends... Wheelchair, Walking or Scooter?]
• You discover the words, "whippersnapper", "scallywag" and "by-crikey" creeping into your vocabulary.
  [See just two points above (and I didn't remember this was coming up!)]
• You're on a TV game show and you decide to risk it all and go for the rocker.
  [Only Money]
• You begin every other sentence with, "Nowadays ... "
  [Yep... And "Back in the day..." and "When I was a kid..."]
• You run out of breath walking DOWN a flight of stairs.
  [Wife says I get out of breath walking, period - depends on if I have my cane!]
• You look both ways before crossing a room.
  [Nope, not always... But with four dogs, a cat and a wife, wouldn't you?]
• Your social security number only has three digits.
  [Nine, just like yours]
• You come to the conclusion that your worst enemy is gravity.
  [If this means "falling", you're right... Knee won't bend... Will be hard to get up]
• People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"
  [Nope... 9AM... Usually up from around 10AM-3 or 4AM]
• You go to a Garden Party and you're mainly interested in the garden.
  [Don't go to too many parties... Guess it'd depend on the garden]
• You find your mouth making promises your body can't keep.
  [Not yet... Close, but ...]
• The waiter asks how you'd like your steak ... and you say "pureed."
  [HELL no... Medium-Well, 57 Steak Sauce]
• At parties you attend, "regularity" is considered the topic of choice.
  [What did I just say about parties?]
• You start beating everyone else at trivia games.
  [Always have been good at trivia]
• You frequently find yourself telling people what a loaf of bread USED to cost.
  [Studying Family History... Things like that DO make sense]
• Your back goes out more than you do.
  [Hmmm... It went out once... But I've still got it beat!]
• Cafeteria food starts tasting GOOD.
  [Depends on the cafeteria and depends on the food]
• You refer to your $2500 stereo system as "The Hi-Fi."
  [Stereo... But I DO have plenty of "records", including 78s, and "cassette tapes" ;-)]
• You make it a point to attend all the RV shows that come to town.
  [At one time I would think about it, but with the knee...]
• You realize that a stamp today costs more than a picture show did when you were growing up.
  [No, but I DO remember movies costing $0.50 for shows before 5 or 6PM]
• Your childhood toys are now in a museum.
  [Mine? No... Wore them out... LIKE Mine? Some are...]
• Many of your co-workers were born the same year that you got your last promotion.
  [No... But many of the people I graduated HS with are grandparents!]
• The clothes you've put away until they come back in style ... come back in style.
  [Nope... Wear them to rags... Cost too much]
• All of your favorite movies are now revised in color.
  [Some have been... ]
• The car that you bought brand new becomes an antique.
  [Nope... Then again... Dad had a new 60s Mustang]
• You have more hair in your ears and nose than your head.
  [HELL no... Still have a full head-a-hair... My friend and brother, tho... ;-)]
• You wear black socks with sandals.
  [If I could, I probably would... Hard to wear sandals with no toes on one foot]
• You take a metal detector to the beach.
  [Problems with that? Kinda wanted to do that most my life!]

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Light Bulbs
[Stereotype Warning]

Q. How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb?

A. Six. One to turn the bulb, one for support, and four to relate to the experience.

Q. How many Oregonians does it take to change a light bulb?

A. Five. One to turn the bulb, and four to chase away the Californians who have come to relate to the experience.

Q. How many New Yorkers does it take to change a light bulb?

A. Fifty. Fifty? Yeah, fifty! It's in the contract!

Q. How many straight, normal San Franciscans does it take to change a light bulb?

A. Both of them.

Q, How many Technical Support Engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

A. None, it's a Hardware problem.

Q. How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?

A. Two. One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old one was.

Q. How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?

A. None. The light bulb will change itself when it is ready.

Q. How many people from New Jersey does it take to change a light bulb?

A. Three. One to change the bulb, one to witness, and one to shoot the witness.

Q. How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?

A. None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.

Q. How many Real Women does it take to change a light bulb?

A. None. A Real Woman would have lots of Real Men around to change it.

Q. How many Poles does it take to change a light bulb?

A. Just one, but you need 6,000 Russian troops in case he goes on strike.

Q. How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

A. How many can you afford?

Q. How many accountants does it take to change a light bulb?

A. What kind of answer have you got in mind?

Q. How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb?

A. None. "Don't mind me, I'll just sit here in the dark while you go out and have fun."

Q. How many generals does it take to change a light bulb?

A. 1,000,001. One to change the bulb, and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where we need light bulbs again.

Q. How many existentialists does it take to change a light bulb?

A. Two. One to screw it in, and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out towards a cosmos of nothingness.

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Money Talks--In Any Language

A crusty old man walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window, "I want to open a f-cking checking account."

To which the astonished woman replies, "I beg your pardon, sir; I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?"

"Listen up, damn you! I said I want to open a f-cking checking account, right now!"

"I'm very sorry sir, but we have very strict policy against profanity, and we do not tolerate that kind of language in this bank." Having said this, the teller leaves the window and goes over to the bank manager to tell him about her situation.

They both return and the manager asks the old geezer, "What seems to be the problem here?"

"There's no f-cking problem," the man says. "I just won 50 million bucks in the f-cking lottery and I want to open a son-of-a-b-tching checking account in this bastardly bank!"

"I see," says the manager. "And this f-cking bitch is giving you a hard time?"

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Lawyer Joke

A man was sent to Hell for his sins. As he was being taken to his place of eternal torment, he passed a room where a lawyer was having an intimate conversation with a beautiful woman.

"What a rip-off," the man muttered. "I have to roast for all eternity, and that lawyer spends it with that gorgeous woman."

Jabbing the man with his pitchfork, the escorting demon snarled, "Who are you to question that woman's punishment?"

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Memorandum

As part of the on-going efforts of our company to evolutionize into a fully malfunctioning corporate entity, Management has initiated an effort to create, publish, and eventually ignore source for new and uninitiated employees to learn the processes by which we, as a company, operate. Accordingly, you have been requested to sit on the committee assigned to draft the Glossary of Special High-level Institutional Terminology. The S.H.I.T. Glossary, it is hoped, will become a part of the next Employee Handbook and, if considered marketable, will become the property of a spin-off company.

As a member of the S.H.I.T. committee, you will be responsible for determining what terms are, or should be, utilized within the company as a method of improving the communications among employees. These terms may be of either or both technical and operational natures, but should be geared to the way our company does business. In order to save time, we have already postponed the first three meetings of the committee. You will be informed of when the next meeting is scheduled to be postponed at a later date, time permitting. In the meantime, as an assist to the committee's process, we have provided a list of some initial terms the committee will consider.

BLAMESTORMING

sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed and who was responsible.

BEEPILEPSY

the brief seizure people sometimes suffer when their beepers go off, especially in vibrator mode; characterized by physical spasms, goofy facial expressions, and stopping speech in mid-sentence.

CUBE FARM

an office filled with cubicles.

EGO SURFING

scanning memos, corporate wide email messages, print media, and so on looking for references to one's own name.

PRAIRIE DOGGING

something loud happens in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.

IDEA HAMSTERS

people who always seem to have their idea generators running.

MOUSE POTATO

the on-line generation's answer to the couch potato.

OHNO SECOND

that minuscule fraction of time in which you realize you've just made a big mistake.

SITCOM

(Demographics term) Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage.

STRESS PUPPY

A person who thrives on being stressed-out and whiny.

DILBERTED

to be exploited and oppressed by your boss as in "I've been Dilberted again. The [name of appropriate Vice President] revised the schedule for the fourth time this week."

DORITO SYNDROME

feelings of emptiness and dissatisfaction triggered by addictive substances that lack nutritional content (such as going to staff meetings or reading the corporate Bulletin Board).

UNDER MOUSE ARREST

getting busted for violating company e-mail usage policy, as in "Sorry I couldn't get back to you, IS has put me under mouse arrest."

GLAZING

sleeping with your eyes open [A popular pastime at conferences and early-morning meetings].

DEAD TREE EDITION

the paper version of a document or publication available in both paper and electronic forms ... as in "Please print me a Dead Tree Edition of that email ... "

IT'S A FEATURE

taken from the adage "It's not a bug, it's a feature." Used to describe an unpleasant experience or other error that needs to be glossed over prior to submission to higher levels of authority.

ADMINISPHERE

the rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.

SALMON DAY

the experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed in the end.

CHAINSAW CONSULTANT

an outside expert brought in to reduce the employee headcount, leaving the top brass with clean hands.

404

someone who is clueless. Taken from the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found," meaning the requested document could not be located. As in "Don't bother asking him, he's 404."

ELVIS YEAR

the peak year of something's popularity. For example, Barney the dinosaur's Elvis Year was 1993.

We look forward to your contributions to this effort. Any questions should be kept to yourself lest they generate actual thought and, thus, interfere with the important workings of the S.H.I.T. committee.

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I Wondered Why This Joke Was Set in Paris

Recently, a guy in Paris nearly got away with stealing several paintings from the Louvre. However, after planning the crime, getting in and out past security, he was captured only 2 blocks away when his Econoline ran out of gas. When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied:

"I had no Monet to buy Degas to make de Van Gogh."

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[CMA STATEMENT:

WARNING: THE JOKE(S) THAT FOLLOW(S) CONTAIN(S) MORE ADULT CONTENT THAN THE PREVIOUS, AND MAY BE INAPPROPRIATE FOR YOUNGER OR MORE SENSITIVE READERS.

THEREFORE, THE FOLLOWING IS RATED PG-14: NO ONE 14 OR UNDER SHOULD READ THE FOLLOWING WITHOUT PARENTAL GUIDANCE. IF YOU ARE UNDER THE AGE OF 15, LET YOUR PARENTS READ WHAT FOLLOWS FIRST, AND LET THEM DECIDE IF YOU SHOULD.

IF YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF ONE OF THE "MORE SENSITIVE" READERS -- IN OTHER WORDS, YOU ARE OFFENDED OR UPSET BY STRONGER SEXUAL INNUENDO THAN ABOVE, AND "SOMEWHAT EXPLICIT" THROUGH "EXPLICIT" JOKES -- DO NOT CONTINUE READING.

IF WE DO IT THIS WAY, I WON'T GET IN TROUBLE FOR SENDING THIS TYPE OF "ENTERTAINMENT" THROUGH *LYAO* TO KIDS OR SENSITIVE READERS, AND YOU WON'T GET IN TROUBLE FOR OR UPSET BY READING THINGS YOU SHOULDN'T OR DON'T WISH TO.

AND REMEMBER, THESE ARE JOKES.

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.]

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Old-Timers' Ball

There was this really old guy at an old-timer's dance, and the problem was that he hadn't had any sex for a long time. He'd been dancing with all the grandmas all night, but still hadn't scored.

Frustrated, he approached an old grandma and said, "I'm having no luck scoring a woman. How about coming back to my place for a root? I'll give you 20 bucks!"

She says, "I'm willing, let's go".

They get back to his place and after a bit of foreplay; they head for the bedroom. He loves the sex and can't get over how tight she is for such an old woman. He thinks that she's got to be a virgin.

After the wonderful performance, he rolls off of her and says, "Wow! Lady if I had known you were a virgin, I would have given you 50 bucks".

Surprised, she says, "If I had known you were actually going to get an erection, I would have taken my pantyhose off!"

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Ya Gets Whats Ya Pays For
[GROTIE TO THE MAX WARNING]

[SPECIAL NOTE: This is an oldie, but ". BUT, EXTREMELY GROSS
YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED ... MULTIPLE times. --LYAO Editor]

A man walks into a whorehouse and asks for the cheapest and best bargain possible. The guy behind the desk asks how much the man would like to spend, and the man says, "$10.00".

The guy behind the desk says that that's not very much to spend. The man says he doesn't care, he just wants a cheap lay. The man behind the desk hands him a key, and says, "Gimme the $10.00. She'll be waiting for you under the covers. Oh, and don't turn on the light."

The happy and horny guy rushes to the room, gets inside, undresses, and climbs into bed. He immediately climbs on top of a soft, quiet, young lady, and does his deed. With each thrust, he notices liquid running out of her ears, eyes, and nose, but she doesn't say anything. He just assumes she is sweating, so he continues doing the deed. After he finishes, he kisses her good-bye, goes downstairs and tells the guy behind the desk, "That was some awesome sex! I loved it so much we did it three times. The only thing is she seems to have liquid coming out of every hole in her body!"

The guy behind the desk calls maintenance on the phone and says, "Yeah, this is the front desk. The dead one is full again."

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LYAO Format, Background & Banner Graphics © 2006 by Bill Sanders - All rights reserved
CMA Stuff: LYAO is comprised of jokes, stories, urban legends and other things received by me via email.
I clean them up, removing forwarding headers and footers, fixing most grammar and punctuation, and re-formatting them.
PLEASE NOTE: Copyrights remain with the owners/original writers.
If any copyrights have been violated, please let me know and I will attribute or remove the offending item.
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